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I read Tim Bray’s On Flaming with great interest. It’s a subject that’s near and dear to every closet sociologist.

Tim contrasts flaming with the more respectable polemic, as exemplified by Dijkstra’s goto classic. The line I see between polemics and flames is that polemics, seen through the lens of time, were thought through thoroughly enough to stay valuable in context. This takes work.

Flames, on the other hand, are a mostly visceral affair. They tend to happen fast, and often come off as disjointed and combative. A common practice, I’ve found, is that people preparing to unleash a flame (flames are always “unleashed”, never “sent”) often think better of it before they press send, or let themselves go, then review their flame, strip out its core content, and craft a better message from it.

But there is risk involved in this approach. Many of us have been in a situation where we reflexively or accidentally send off something we never intended to be seen. Or, in the harsh light of day, it’s clear that what we intended to say has been lost in the heat. With this in mind, I present my guidelines for keeping your flames in check.

• Do not use Reply All. This is where many flamers get themselves into trouble. If you’re not absolutely certain that you are going to hit Send by the time your missive is dripping with bile, it is best to start out with a simple reply, and add your flame venues afterward. Inadvertently sending a half-written and unedited flame has resulted in many a Career Limiting Move. It’s better, in this situation, to have screwed up and let only your target know what’s on your mind and what you think of their mother than to have done so in front of the entire list. I recommend using Forward, and populating your list of recipients when you’re done.
• When you send a message off-list, read the to: line three times. Sometimes, what we want to say will be understood by kindred spirits, and aren’t meant for the whole list. But sometimes — oops! — those messages end up on the list anyway. Adrenaline can do strange things to your brain, so it’s important to be especially careful about who your recipients are. Once it’s gone from your outbox, you don’t get a do-over.
• Save a draft and walk away. You almost always have time to make your point well in any given thread. Don’t waste the opportunity with vitriol when a carefully placed stab in the heart of the matter serves both you and the target.